Rarely, very rarely, but it happens to me: I buy a ticket for a show I want to see, and only afterward do I buy a plane ticket and book a hotel.
This time, the enthusiastic girl in me wanted to see, in the flesh, two Hollywood actors: Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick (her husband). I spotted them on the poster two months ago, when I saw, in the same theater, the musical Sunset Boulevard with Nicole Scherzinger.
The play is called Plaza Suite, and I admit that, before the show, I read a bit about it to understand the story. I also came across a review by chance, which I read with interest, and it made me even more curious.
I kept wondering what I would think of Mrs. Parker, who for me is marked by Sex and The City, although I did manage to see her in a couple of other movies since then.
I got… the cheapest ticket closest to the stage. Well, “cheapest” is a completely misleading term in this case, considering that ticket prices for this show range from £175 to £395! Yes, you read that right. And there are very few seats left that you can find from one day to the next. (The site also lists a category of £25/£35/£55 tickets, but on no day do they appear to be available…)
I am thrilled to be going, even though I fear I might not understand everything (at least in musicals, they sing, if the dialogue might be complicated for me…).
AUTOGRAPH
I know, I’m a TV producer, I know, I’ve worked with a lot of celebrities in Romania, but still, when you see people you’ve only ever seen in American movies, you can’t act like the big shot on the production field. You, too, are fascinated by the presence of those celebrities. So, I’m preparing for the possibility of getting autographs after the show.
I search online for a picture featuring both protagonists. Considering they’re husband and wife, it’s not hard to find one.
I go to a photo center to print a large photo, on matte cardboard, to ensure the paper doesn’t crumple or the pen doesn’t pierce it when those people sign the photo with themselves on it.
I pack it in my luggage with the utmost care, in a plastic sleeve, then in a document folder clipped to a clipboard, to avoid any risk of bending.
Sure, I could have skipped these steps by simply buying a program booklet at the show and asking for the autograph directly on it. But wait, my plan is grand!
THE SAVOY THEATRE
I arrive in London on Saturday. Since I’m staying close to the theater, I decide to make a quick trip there.
Until the show I have a ticket for, there are three performances before mine, so I can try going after one of them with my printed photo to secure an autograph.
Near the theater, I already start seeing “signs” related to Plaza Suite. And just like that, the excitement grows…
There are no tickets available for either of today’s two performances. Fine, fine, no problem, since I already have a ticket for three days from now. But tell me, Mr. Ticket Seller, is there an autograph session after the show?
“Sometimes there is”, the man at the counter replies. “There’s no guarantee they’ll come out after a particular show. But if you want, come today after the second one. After the first, they almost certainly won’t.”
I asked how long the play lasts, so I’d know when to station myself at the “Stage Door”.
Then I sat there and realized I was being crazy: I’d be missing an evening of a musical – which is a big deal for me – just to wait and stalk Mrs. Parker and Mr. Broderick. And what if they don’t show up??? Won’t I regret missing a musical?
I buy a ticket to a musical! To one being performed in a theater about 2 kilometers away from the Plaza Suite theater. How do I know? I looked at the map, as I had already planned to dash over after the show to catch the Hollywood stars signing autographs.
But then it dawned on me: the musical I’m seeing is longer than most musicals, of course! And there’s no chance I’ll make it in time, not even if I were Usain Bolt. I console myself when I see the wet pavement, a sign that it’s been raining: “They didn’t come out in this weather”, I tell myself.
On Sunday, there’s no performance (nor are there musicals playing on Sunday evenings). My goodness, and how much time I would have had to wait in line, like in Ceaușescu’s time, for milk.
For Monday, I already had a ticket to see a spectacular musical for the second time (Hamilton). And once again, I’m calculating how I could dash off for autographs, but here I have absolutely no chance – a long musical and a large distance between theaters.
And then Tuesday arrives. I prepare as if I’m going to an exam!
I place the photo neatly in the clipboard and bring along my full arsenal of writing instruments that I brought from home: a thick green marker, a thin black marker, a regular pen, and more, but I only take these three.
I arrive at the theater early, earlier than ever before.
So early, in fact, that I’m among the first to enter the hall (the others who arrived like me are already at the theater’s bars, glasses in hand, chatting about who knows what). I leave my coat and backpack on my seat and set off to explore the theater…
PLAZA SUITE SOUVENIRS
At one of the merchandise stands, I spot the “merch”.
I ask the seller what sells the most.
“The magnet”, he replies. “Then the keychain, because it’s unique.” Those were exactly what I wanted too, predictably…
£13 for both.
I buy a program (£8), then go back and ask for another one. This way, I have one to browse through and a second, clean and pristine, for autographs 🙂
Since I’m among the first in the hall, I chat with the usher in my section. I ask her about the autograph session, just to gather information from multiple sources (a journalist’s reflex…).
“Yes, they do come out for autographs, but they come out very quickly, right after the show, and they stay for only 5-7 minutes”. My heart is already beating faster…
The woman, very kind, gives me a tip: at the end, I should exit through a specific door of the theater, which is the closest to the actors’ entrance. Or “exit”, in this case.
Guess what? That door is exactly on the opposite side from where my seat is, but that’s no obstacle for me. After all, I’ve managed to catch a connecting flight by jumping over seats and people retrieving their luggage from overhead bins mid-aisle 🙂
During intermission, I analyze the layout, measure the distance to the door, and figure out the best way to dash out without being stopped by security for disturbing public order.
I already took out my clipboard. Then I changed my mind, not the photo, better the Program. I put the photo away and take out the Program instead.
I pull out the thick marker and put it in my pocket so I have it handy. Then I change my mind again. The marker isn’t ideal because it’s harder to open; better to use the pen, which I can keep uncapped and ready. I put the marker away and take out the pen. Then I realize it’s a black pen, no one will believe the signatures are original, they’ll think they’re just copies. Better the thin marker, because it’s colored. I put the pen away and take out the thin marker.
It starts raining outside, and the thin marker’s writing will smudge. I put the thin marker away and take out the thick marker again. And that’s it!!! I’m ready to run for the autograph.
The play ends, the audience enchanted (and me, so much!!!), but no one has emotions like mine right now. It feels like I’m going to pick up an Oscar!
As the curtain falls, I grab everything – already prepared – and with ‘sorry, sorry’, I head against the crowd. I reach THAT door first, as no one was in a hurry (just like I’m never in a hurry at the end of a show).
I step out and… seriously?! There are already 5 people in line at a fence. Hmm… Did they leave their bags from last night to hold their place in line?
AUTOGRAPH QUEUE
I stand optimistically. And I wait…
I get my phone ready, do some checks. People start gathering.
Two big dudes are behind the fence, near the Stage Door. And they’re sizing us up while chewing gum like crazy.
I check my phone again, it’s on video mode, ready to press the trigger. It’s raining lightly, friendly. But not friendly for the phone and the program booklet… I start wiping them off, then hide the Program under my jacket. The phone has to be ready.
More people are gathering.
The guys keep chewing their gum and start organizing the line. And we’re still waiting…
I change my mind again: I put the marker in, take the pen out. Damn it, at least the pen writing will survive the rain.
It’s a cheerful, pleasant atmosphere. Some people have umbrellas, others are hiding under hoods or hats.
I have an umbrella too, but who do you think is going to take it out?! I need another hand. I have the phone in one hand, the Program and pen in the other, trying to maneuver so I can hold them out at the same time and then grab them back simultaneously, all while filming. It’s like I’m Mr. Bean practicing the Queen’s salute, hahaha.
A lot of people have gathered, so there’s no longer an orderly line. But I’m good, at the fence, ready to shout ‘I love you, I love youuu’.
The two guys, still chewing their gum (which surely has no taste left!), go into the theater, one after the other. They’re trying to figure out what’s going on, supposedly.
We, the spectators, exchange friendly glances with each other since we’re all packed together in the line. I have my backpack on my back, which is a perfect opportunity for any thief to pickpocket me. But I can’t keep it safe anymore. Plus, I figure, if you’re spending an average of 200 pounds to go to a show, you’re of a certain caliber, not the type to steal someone’s hat or popcorn.
I wipe my phone from raindrops again and again.
Ah, let me put it in airplane mode, just in case I get the surprise of a call right when I’m filming the big moment.
A wave of applause and laughter makes us turn towards the end of the line. One of the doors of the theater has opened, but it’s just one of the two guys. He’s also amused by the reaction.
A young lady comes out of the actors’ door – a minor role. After a while, a guy comes out – also a minor role. Some girls compliment their performance. Small, but cute. I mean the performance…
After several comings and goings at the actors’ door, one of the guys comes out and takes the floor.
‘Don’t shoot the messenger!’ – aaaa, well, from how he started, we figured out what was coming.
Indeed, he announces that, tonight, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick won’t be coming out for autographs. And we’re not to come back on another night, because they can’t allow all the people who weren’t lucky enough, to stand on the little alley by the actors’ entrance.
And he keeps chewing his gum.
I pack everything into my backpack and leave disappointed, just like the others.
I’d love to have come the next day, but I have a flight back home.
So, I’m content with the fact that I saw the two of them in the play. I’m joking now. I’m actually extremely excited that I saw them, I liked them a lot, and I really liked Ms. Parker! I recognized many things from her ‘Carrie’ character in Sex and the City, but I also noticed a surprisingly good sense of humor.
I had a ticket very close to the stage, in the 5th row, and on top of that, I took advantage of the fact that two people didn’t show up and occupied one of their seats, closer to the center.
I saw the main actors up close, so close that, beyond watching their expressions and gazes with fascination, I also saw her repeatedly trying to get rid of some strands from her blonde wig that were stuck on her face. Clearly, they were causing her discomfort.
The play? Very cool! The concept, the dialogue. I didn’t catch all the jokes because of the language barrier, but I was happy that I understood most of them 🙂
It was fantastic, really!
And don’t blame me: encouraged by several other spectators who took out their phones during the final applause (it’s forbidden to take photos or film here) and with the tacit permission of the theater staff, I filmed a little bit of the two of them coming out for the applause. Just a little, because my hands were burning to applaud them too!
